Mackaveli Manaea
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The Devil Abhorred Prada
The simple things become incredibly monumental and significant to you when your access to them is removed. I’m rotating my wardrobe this evening and planning my work outfit for tomorrow, and found myself experiencing gratitude to be able to do something as basic as this. No consequence. No retaliation. Just sorting my clothing and putting…
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How I Ended Up on Alcatraz
We have such horrible stigmas attached to domestic violence, sexual assault/harassment, and stalking. It’s insane how people don’t comprehend the trauma attached to these experiences and that the act of victim blaming reinforces and triggers that trauma, and compels those who have lived these horrors to opt for silence. I hate when people ask ignorant…
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THE WORST
I didn’t know what stalking truly was until 2011. Up until then I had a very rudimentary understanding and thought it was limited to being incessantly followed and watched. I had no idea it also entailed unwanted communication (extending to emails, texts, calls), creating new accounts/phone numbers to perpetuate unwelcomed communication, cyber habits (like location…
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Dissonance & disassociation
Healing comes with no warning label explaining how painful and uncomfortable the journey is going to be. I knew processing my past was never going to be easy, especially considering my years of avoidance, but I wasn’t prepared for the unpredictable highs and lows I’m experiencing. Some days I feel empowered, emboldened, and excited for…
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Wading in Denial Like Doechii
Like Doechii I’ve been done dirtier than laundry, but for a long time I was able to wade in denial because the currents of disassociation I had were so strong. When I was finally able to leave my ex and find some transitory safety after a brief period of legal proceedings, I thought that was…
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Borrowed Time
Gratitude can be hard to come by. There’s so much that can be taken for granted when we are far enough removed from a situation or experience to the point that we can easily compartmentalize things and bury them away like unwanted trinkets in the attic. Sometimes even what’s unwanted can’t leave us. It lingers.…
Survival of the ILLEST 